Guest blogs

When Parenting Isn’t the Journey You Expected - Michelle Jaques

Falling pregnant wasn’t easy, but neither was the journey we embarked on once our beautiful daughter entered the world.
After a very long 36-hour labour, the decision was made to do an emergency C-section. I had briefly read about the recovery, but it was definitely not easy. During the routine newborn checks, a doctor mentioned there was a “click” in my daughter’s hip and we’d be sent for an appointment. To be honest, I had no clue what they were talking about — I was still in my newborn bubble.
Millie’s First Diagnosis – Hip Dysplasia
Two weeks later we were back at the hospital for an ultrasound, still really unsure what to expect. Within minutes, our world shifted. The words “Can you please pop her into a size small, please?” will haunt me forever. From that moment, our daughter was fitted into a Pavlik harness and diagnosed with bilateral hip dysplasia.

What is hip dysplasia?
Hip dysplasia means the hip joint hasn’t developed properly. In babies, the hip can be unstable or easily dislocated. It’s more common than you might think — affecting about 1 in 1,000 babies — and early treatment, like the Pavlik harness, can make a big difference. [More info: Steps Charity Worldwide]
Millie wore her harness for a full nine weeks. That meant no proper baths, no soft baby grows, no cuddling her tightly against me, not even burping her comfortably — she was stuck in such a strange position.

And the judgement! That was a whole new level. As brand-new parents, we were looking forward to those first moments, but instead I wanted to lock myself away. People would stare — the harness under her little dresses made her look like she had no legs. We couldn’t use the bassinet from our pram system because her legs were too wide, so she had no choice but to sit upright. Cue the comments: “Why is that baby not laying down?” or “She’s too young for that pram.” Yes, she was, but we had no choice.
Millie was monitored weekly, and thankfully her hips eventually reached a safe place. When the harness was finally removed, we were allowed to bathe her properly for the first time — something most parents enjoy in those first days, but we had to wait months for. Looking back, the experience made us stronger, but little did we know it was just the beginning.

Another Chapter – Our Son Arrives
In July 2019 our son Arlo was born. A planned C-section this time, and it couldn’t have gone any smoother. We felt like our little family unit was finally complete.
But within weeks, life threw us another curveball. Millie had chickenpox brewing, which meant Arlo caught it at just three weeks old. He ended up in hospital because of his age. Thankfully, he pulled through and we were able to bring him home.
We celebrated with a “welcome to the world” party. There was soft play for Millie and her friends. But that’s when the questions started: “Why are her legs giving way?” “Why is she walking funny?”
Millie’s Second Diagnosis – Perthes Disease
Thankfully Millie was still under orthopaedic review, and soon after, she was diagnosed with Perthes disease.

What is Perthes disease?
Perthes disease is a rare childhood condition where the blood supply to the hip joint is temporarily disrupted. Without enough blood, the bone softens and breaks down. Over time, this leads to pain, stiffness, and mobility challenges. Treatment often means years of restrictions to protect the hip joint.
For Millie, that meant no running, no jumping, no trampolines, no bouncy castles, no high-impact fun. Imagine telling a three-year-old they can’t do what all their friends are doing. It was soul-destroying. Our most-used word became no.
We had to find a whole new way of life. Double buggies, mobility buggies, then eventually a wheelchair. And with that came another wave of judgment:
“She shouldn’t be sat in that.”
“Why is she walking if she’s just got out of a wheelchair?”
People can be cruel when they don’t understand what they can’t see. But through it all, Millie has shown more strength and courage than many adults. I will be forever proud of her.

And Then There Was Autism
While navigating Millie’s mobility issues, we also began to notice challenges with Arlo’s eating. It soon became clear he was autistic and living with ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). That added another layer to our journey.
I now advocate daily for ARFID awareness — but if people really knew what it’s like navigating mobility issues and autism together, their brains would explode.

The Mental Health Side
And what about me?
Did I do it all with my head held high? Yes, I did.
Have I struggled with my mental health? Absolutely — and I still do.
Parenting through hidden disabilities is exhausting, isolating, and overwhelming at times. But it also teaches resilience, compassion, and strength you never knew you had.

Why I’m Writing This
I’m sharing our story because hidden disabilities are rarely talked about openly. Behind the smiles and Instagram posts, there are so many parents silently navigating challenges most people can’t imagine. If this blog helps even one family feel less alone, then it’s worth it.