As parents, we’re often told that our children need to be “school ready” before they can access education. For many families of children with special educational needs (SEN), this message feels frustrating, and sometimes heartbreaking. I want to be clear: the issue isn’t your child — it’s the system.
Take children like Tommy, for example. He is nonverbal and not yet toilet trained. According to Local Authorities (LAs), he should be placed in mainstream school because “his needs can be met there.” But mainstream schools often simply cannot provide the right level of support for children with complex needs. The result? Families are told to wait, adapt, or push their children to fit into a system that wasn’t designed for them. Or as of late, watch the mainstream media use articles like the telegraph to parent shame and blame for the government’s failings.
This idea of “school readiness” often blames parents or children for delays in communication, self-care, or behaviour, when in reality these are exactly the needs that specialist settings are designed to support. A child who is nonverbal and not toilet trained is not unready — they are exactly the type of child who requires tailored, specialist support to thrive.
The consequences of denying access to SEND schools are significant:
- Children miss out on appropriate interventions and therapies.
- Parents face immense pressure to prepare their child for mainstream school.
- Children can develop anxiety, stress, or behavioural challenges simply because their environment doesn’t meet their needs.
Adding to the irony, the Telegraph recently ran an article with the headline:
“There’s no such thing as mum and dad anymore — only the state.”
Yet the same state will fine parents or even create criminal records if they take their child out of school for a short holiday. It’s as if the state has declared itself the parent, removing the privilege and autonomy of parenting from the very people who know their child best. The system tells parents they are in charge, except when they actually want to make parenting decisions that suit their family — then suddenly the state steps in.
The truth is, children like Tommy can make remarkable progress in the right environment, but the system often waits for them to “catch up” before offering specialist support. That waiting period isn’t just unfair — it denies them their right to an education that suits their abilities. And lets not forget that forcing children with complex needs into mainstream settings that cannot meet their requirements is not just unfair — it violates the principles of the Equality Act 2010 and the Children and Families Act 2014, which require that children with disabilities are provided with appropriate educational provision that meets their individual needs.
Parents deserve to be supported, not told their child is “not ready.” SEND schools exist for a reason: to provide the right tools, strategies, and environment so every child can flourish, regardless of their stage of communication or independence.
It’s time we shift the focus from “school readiness” to “school suitability.” Children with SEN are not the problem — the system is. And as parents, we have every right to advocate for the education that truly meets our child’s needs, without the state trying to step into our role as mum and dad.
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