Have you ever felt something so strongly — but couldn’t quite put it into words?
For some people, that’s an everyday experience. This is called alexithymia (pronounced uh-lex-ih-THY-mee-uh).
What is Alexithymia?
Alexithymia isn’t a mental health condition on its own — it’s more of a trait that describes difficulty identifying and describing emotions.
Someone with alexithymia might:
- Know they’re feeling something but can’t label whether it’s sadness, anger, or anxiety.
- Struggle to explain feelings to others.
- Notice physical sensations (tight chest, upset stomach) without linking them to an emotion.
It’s important to remember: This doesn’t mean the person doesn’t feel emotions — they absolutely do. The challenge is in translating those feelings into words.
Who Can Have Alexithymia?
Alexithymia can be found in people of all ages and backgrounds. It’s more common in:
- Autistic people
- People with ADHD
- Individuals who have experienced trauma
- Those with certain mental health conditions like depression or PTSD
But anyone can experience it, even temporarily, during periods of high stress.
What Alexithymia Might Look Like in Everyday Life
- A child saying “I don’t know” when asked how they feel.
- Someone seeming “calm” on the outside while feeling overwhelmed inside.
- Difficulty choosing coping strategies because the feeling isn’t clear.
- Reacting physically to emotions (headache, fatigue) instead of verbally.
Why Alexithymia Matters
Recognising alexithymia can help us respond with patience, compassion, and support.
For children, especially, naming emotions is a skill that can be nurtured over time — and it starts with helping them notice what’s going on in their body and environment.
Supporting Someone with Alexithymia
- Model feelings language: “I’m feeling nervous because this is new.”
- Use visuals: Emotion charts, colour zones, or “feelings thermometers” can help connect physical sensations to words.
- Give time and space: Not every feeling can be labelled in the moment.
- Focus on body clues: “Your fists are tight — maybe you’re feeling tense or angry?”
- Avoid pressure: Forcing someone to name their emotions can create anxiety.
The Takeaway
Alexithymia doesn’t mean someone is cold or unemotional — it just means the language of feelings is harder to access.
With understanding, we can help bridge that gap and make emotional expression feel safer and more possible.
💛 Every feeling matters — even when it’s hard to name.
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