RSD - When no thanks feels like the end of the world

As parents, we all want our children to feel safe, accepted, and confident in who they are. But for some children and young people, even the smallest sign of criticism, disapproval, or rejection can feel unbearable. This intense emotional reaction is known as Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD).

What is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria?

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is not an official diagnosis you’ll find in medical manuals, but it’s a term widely used to describe the extreme emotional pain that some people experience in response to real or perceived rejection, criticism, or failure.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is most often talked about in ADHD, because difficulties with emotional regulation are a well-recognised feature of ADHD. That’s why clinicians, researchers, and parent communities link it so strongly.

But — many autistic people also describe experiences that look and feel a lot like RSD. Here’s why:

• Autistic individuals are often emotionally hypersensitive and can pick up on subtle social cues that others might miss.
• Social difficulties, bullying, or repeated misunderstandings can make rejection feel sharper and more painful.
• Research hasn’t officially labelled this “RSD” in autism the way it has in ADHD, but the lived experience of autistic people suggests that rejection sensitivity can be just as real and impactful.

Children with RSD often:

• Feel devastated by constructive feedback
• Believe they’ve “let people down” even when they haven’t
• Avoid trying new things for fear of making mistakes
• Experience overwhelming sadness, anger, or shame after perceived rejection

While anyone can experience rejection sensitivity, it is especially common in children and adults with ADHD and autism, where emotional regulation can be more challenging.

How Does RSD Show Up in Everyday Life?

You might notice your child:

• Melting down after a teacher’s comment, even if it was gentle or well-intentioned
• Refusing to attend school after a falling-out with friends
• Saying things like, “I’m stupid,” “Nobody likes me,” or “I always mess up”
• Becoming angry or defensive when given suggestions or corrections

For parents, this can feel heartbreaking and exhausting. What feels like a small bump in the road to us may feel like a mountain to them.

Why Does RSD Happen?

Research suggests RSD is linked to differences in how the brain processes emotional experiences, particularly when dopamine (the brain’s “reward chemical”) is involved. For children with ADHD, for example, the brain can amplify negative feedback and make it feel far more intense than it really is.

It’s important to remember: this is not your child being over-dramatic or manipulative. Their pain is real, and they need understanding, not punishment.

How Parents Can Support a Child with RSD

Here are a few strategies that can make a real difference:

1. Validate Their Feelings
   Instead of brushing it off with “don’t be silly,” try saying:
   “I can see that felt really hard for you. I’m here.”
2. Focus on Strengths
   Highlight what your child is good at and celebrate small wins to build resilience against setbacks.
3. Use Gentle Language
   When giving feedback, soften your approach:
   
   • “Let’s try it this way” instead of “You did that wrong.”
4. Encourage Regulation Tools
   Breathing exercises, sensory activities, or having a safe “chill-out space” can help them ride the wave of big feelings.
5. Model Self-Compassion
   Let your child see you make mistakes and recover. Say things like,
   “I got that wrong, but that’s okay — I can learn from it.”

When to Seek Extra Help

If your child’s reactions are so intense that they impact school, friendships, or family life, it may help to seek support from:

• Your GP or paediatrician
• A mental health professional (e.g., child psychologist or counsellor)
• Parent coaching and support services (so you have strategies, too)

Final Thoughts

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is tough — both for the child experiencing it and the parent supporting them. But with empathy, patience, and the right tools, children can learn to navigate these feelings and build self-confidence.

Remember: your child’s sensitivity is not a flaw. It’s part of who they are — and with your support, it can become a strength.